As I was laying in bed last night, scrolling through my YouTube feed I noticed an interview I did last year for the program Living Black was looking right back at me. I looked at the face I was pulling in the thumbnail and thought to myself “Don’t do it Case, just leave it.” But, me being the stubborn bull that I am I clicked on my little squished up face, rolled onto my stomach and watched the loading circle spin round and around (Stupid slow internet connection) as the butterflies started flying around in my tummy I couldn’t help but feel nervous (for myself). Butterflies you ask? Yeah… I don’t like watching myself getting interviewed, I couldn’t think of anything worse! If I think my singing faces are bad, my interview faces are just as bad :p I get nervous for myself and feel extremely awkward. Awkward like, when you were younger or even now and you’re watching a movie with your parents or grandparents and a sex scene comes on, that kind of Awkward. As an ad started playing on the screen of my phone, the little ‘Skip Ad’ Button came up and for the first time I let the whole ad play out (Just to give me some more time to get my shit together)
The ad Finished and there she was (Me) My stomach started turning as old footage of me (strumming the first guitar I had ever owned and singing a song that I had long forgotten about) was flashing before my eyes. I thought about turning it off and going back to watch some Epic Fail compilations (for a laugh) But something made me want to watch it. Even though all I did most of the way through was talk to my phone telling myself to “shut up. Casey, what is that face, stop smiling like that you look stupid” (In other words judging everything I was doing) As I continued to payout on myself I started to remember how I felt after I had finished the interview. I was quick to jump on the phone to my manager Jason and let out an all might sigh, I was so mentally drained. Maybe because I hadn’t prepared for this interview (Not one bit) It’s usually a good idea to think about what you could be talking about in an interview so you have some idea of how to answer the questions on different scenarios and not say “You Know” to link the thought process of what you’re saying together (Sorry for pointing that out :P) I had two thoughts the morning of that interview, 1) I knew I had to be at the studio early with a full face of make up and sing a song before 1pm. 2) Have I warmed my voice up enough to belt out a tune. Oh and 3) I need more coffee (Hehe)
I had a little moment, a moment that consisted of me feeling sad and sorry for myself but at the same time having feelings of joy and relief. I must admit (As stupid as this sounds) whilst watching this interview there was a part where my eyes started welling up with tears, I tried to stop myself from letting them fall but they were pushy little bastards! I thought of how stupid It was crying at myself doing a freaking interview (I’m Giggling as I type because it’s silly, i’m just strange :/) I became very overwhelmed with a lot of memories and emotions some that I try and forget and some that will be with me forever. Watching this interview made me realize a little bit more about myself and I guess it kind of showed me that I have more strength, courage and wisdom then I give myself credit for.
So today I looked myself in the mirror and smiled and cut myself some slack, I told myself that I am a strong person (Not All the time) But even in the dark times I will get back up, dust myself off and keep going. Life has thrown some pretty big lessons at me and I may have not passed with flying colours, but I gave everything and will continue to give everything a go and try my absolute hardest to be the best person I can possibly be! Come rain Or Come shine.