Today’s feelings;

  • Oddly Content
  • Enthused
  • Proactive
  • Excited
  • Realisation

Overview from last blog:

I have made some better choice’s in the last week food wise and exercise.

I’ve done some light to moderate exercise (Walking) and have made some better food choices, but at the same time I find myself falling back into my bad habits of being lazy in my food prep….Which equals in me falling off the wagon to only start again.

She’s been moving

Here’s whats been going on in my world..

Today I had a medical check up and not to my surprise a few red flags popped up. The first being my blood pressure, although it’s in the “normal” ranges the Doctor advised me that my lower reading (diastolic pressure) was a tiny bit high and could be the early signs of high blood pressure. Enter Mr Anxiety, my body went all fuzzy and i’m sure my heart skipped a few beats.

The second was my weight, I stood on a scale for the first time in a long time! I didn’t look down because I didn’t want to see the numbers, I also asked if I should remove my thongs in the hope it would make me lighter (hahah) the Dr said the number out loud and I wanted to projectile vomit across the room.

148kg and a BMI reading of 49.8

No point in lying to myself, that is fucking disgusting! I spent a good hour or so being angry at myself and letting my ego have a field day with the delightful news, but on the plus side… At least I know where I stand with my life and the choices I need/have to make to get me to a better, healthier me.

Casey: 148 Fucking kg’s?!

Ego: Hahahaha

Casey: Shut up!

Ego: Go on.. Reward yourself

Casey: I’m not listening to you!

Ego: Your sad, it’s ok to eat some junk food.

Casey: I don’t want it

Ego: But, you deserve it

Casey: I deserve to be healthier, happier even!

Ego: yeah, we have heard that before…

Casey: I mean it!

Ego: Yeah, Yeah… Here we go again!

Casey: Hey Ego? If i’m not here, your not either!

Ego: Ummm

Casey: What? Cat got your tongue?

Ego: Umm, I never thought of it like that…

Casey: It’s time to be kind to myself, prove to myself that I can do this. I need to make bigger commitments and changes

Ego: Ok, sooooo we are starting tomorrow?

Casey: No! Now, Today!

Ego: I’m sure it won’t kill you to start tomorrow

Casey: Are you serious right now? Did you not hear anything I just said?!

Ego: I heard ya love..

Casey: Well, you best start understanding

Ego: Yeah, Yeah. You said all this last time and you still stuffed up…

Casey: I did yes, but overtime it will all sink in and I’ll get batter at making better choices for myself and one day you’ll thank me.

After posting my “Make That Change” Blog, I have have noticed a few things about myself; I notice my emotions are all out of whack, I eat crap foods when I have deprived myself of food for long periods of time, sometimes I only have one or two meals a day (I have made some better choice’s in the past week+, but find myself still falling back into my old habits of eating fast/crap food), I drink far too much coffee and I have a tendency to eat at really odd hours because I don’t have a normal 9-5 working schedule.

I have also noticed that I am always finding ways to get myself out of certain situations (more of the good than bad, go figure). I’m continuously arguing with my ego over my life choices. Most of the time the arguments are over me telling myself that I am undeserving of certain things and that I should just give up and live with the cards i’ve been dealt. I often try and find the positive to get me out of the “lull” of my ego’s antics, then I find myself getting excited when I make the decision that things will be different, I tell myself I will change and I will not let my ego get the better of me. Then in the next breath i’m back to my old habits and then the conversations start again and it turns into the vicious cycle of my life.

I’m sure, well I hope that I’m not the only person that has these arguments with that pesky little voice? I would love to know or for you to share some of your input or stories on how you deal with these situations.

My weight wasn’t put on over night and I know it’s going to take sometime (years even)  to get my mind, body and soul into a good routine. I just have to learn from my mistakes and not beat myself up too much over there little things and remind myself that I am human and acknowledge the wrongs and learn how to to turn my wrongs into rights!

Here’s a picture of me when all I wanted to do in life was dance… I owe it to her


Talk Soon

Casey D.